Twisted by Design [entries|friends|calendar] frootcayk [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

I realised [16 Aug 2007|02:29am] Why the fuck are my journals public/open to people's eyes? Fuck this! Hit the ground

Ups and downs [15 May 2007|07:33pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Death Cab for Cutie - A Movie Script Ending ] I'm getting a car, I think it's going to be the brand new Honda Civic. I found out I owe fucking dumb ass colby's brother $1,500 for replacement of a door to his truck. And that fucking makes me sick just to think about it. I will be in debt forever. Whenever I get out of debt I'm flown right back in. But Mario distracts my thoughts a lot. I feel like my heart literally is melting inside when out of nowhere, for no reason at all he will tell me so softly, "Kelly? I love you." ... Oh life, you are a roller coaster. Hit the ground

Weirdest thing happened to me last night [26 Mar 2007|09:15pm] [ mood | confused ] I cried because I realised I loved someone so much that it hurt. Not because they didn't love me back, no they love me as much as I love them. I just was thinking about them and I was crying because I love them, I honestly love them so much that it hurts- I don't know what to do with all this pent up love. It's sooo weeiiird Hit the ground

I'll make damn sure that you can't ever leave. You won't ever get too far from me... [12 Mar 2007|08:47am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Taking Back Sunday - Up Against ] So this past weekend I went to the Taking Back Sunday, Underoath, and Armor for Sleep concert. I had so much fun. I saw Ryan and Nick and basically was like "hi... bye!" They seriously don't know how to have fun. I told them to come to the side I was on, it was easy to get to the front. And all they said was "no, no one wants to move." Fine, fuck that! So I got up closer and these guys were like "fuck off, bitch! We're not letting you through" COOL. But these two guys came in and were like "can we get past?" and I was like "sure, I don't care, but these guys won't let us up in front." They looked at them and laughed and said "don't worry, we'll get up there" And as soon as underoath started playing they told us to grab them and they shoved their way to mid-front. And after that they pushed me up (very painful process) into the front. During underoath I was in the front, but not against the cage. And I told myself that I was going to die there that night. I couldn't breath and I was being murdered in that pit ( you could barely call it a pit, it was just abunch of people shoving against one another ). So after underoath I SOMEHOW shoved like 4 people out of my way and got pressed against the cage. It was awesome. Right in the fucking front for Taking Back Sunday. I took good videos, although the dumb bitch next to me was singing so loud that you can't even hear the lead singer in TBS singing. But it was soo cool. The lead singer and the guitarist kept smiling at me. Or atleast I like to tell myself that they were smiling at me. I think they were- I kept smiling at them. They were so good. I was so sick afterwards. I was seriously covered in like 20 people's sweat, including my own, my hair was all the fuck over the place- it was siiick looking. And then I just stared at nick when it was over with, his hair was SO FUNNY LOOKING. I tried not to laugh. He grabbed my hand and wiped it all over his shirt- which was actually like- dripping in sweat. If he rung out his shirt, it would literally DRIP with sweat. That is so fucking sick. I gave him the sickest look. Ugh. Then we went to olive garden. And I ate tons of bread sticks. It was so much fun. Hit the ground

PS [08 Mar 2007|08:42am] I tend to put myself through painfully awkward embarassing moments for no aparent reason... Hit the ground

[08 Mar 2007|08:08am] [ mood | infuriated ] [ music | Numerous loud Ipods ] Last night I stayed up, went to sleep, stayed up, went to sleep, etc. Mario... FUCK. I stayed up until like 11pm waiting for Mario, then he didn't come on so I left him a message to just speak on ventrilo and I'll talk to him, so he did and I woke up at like 1am and spoke to him for awhile, then at 2am he was like- Well I have to watch my two hour shows now, so are you going to be on later? And I was like ".. just call me and if I don't answer, I fell asleep." and he goes well okay! Doesn't call, I woke up on my own about 2 1/2 hours later saying "lie much?" and he goes "oh sorry, I got wrapped up in something else" COOL. So from 4am I talked to him until about 5am, and then he was like "well I have to go wake up my brother and eat breakfast and take my aunt somewhere." And that's fine with me, but he seriously didn't say anything from 4am to 5am, and he wasn't listening to anything I was saying. Here I am trying to cure awkward silences and shyness and he's just JACKIN OFF (not literally). I was pretty angry actually. When he said "i'm going to go eat breakfast okay? I'll talk to you later." I just said "KAY BYE." And left. Then I messaged him saying "you know it's really fucking cool how I still am crazy about you and you just don't even seem to care at all anymore" And he said something like "You don't think i enjoy our conversations, but I do. Now I'm going afk." Then me, being the mature person I am said "FUCKING COOL." and logged off. Then after sleeping for .... 30 mintues- I woke up, took a shower, did my hair, etc etc etc. Thought about it and left him a message saying I was sorry, but I just can't believe that after our fight and how awkward and shy I get around him now, I was trying so hard to not be quiet and awkward around him so he wouldn't be like "God, I don't want to talk to her, she's so boring." And he was just like - not even saying anything. And that offended me. And that I wanted things to be the way they were about three weeks ago before we fought, but I guess that was asking for too much and I guess I just move too fast for reality and that I'd take it slow from now on. Knowing him he probably won't say anything to that, he'll just act like I don't exist until I say something to him. Which will probably go somewhat like; "Did you get my message?" "yeah." "kay?" "what?" "... You don't want to say anything to me?" "why would I." "WOW COOL. FUCK!!" Lol I exaggerated a little. But it may go something along those lines I bet. DAMN Mario is so fucking COOL. I was talking to Sean when we were talking to mario and he goes "man you act like you like mario so much" and I was like "... uhh." And he said something like "I knoow you do." Oh cool. I said "i think his voice is attractive" And he said "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? You can't be attracted to someone's voice!" Then he bluntly was like "mario do you think people's voices are hot?" ANd he said "uuh I never thought about it." Sean: Do you think kelly's is? Mario: Uh what? me: DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. That's NOT what we were talking about and Sean is just being DUMB. Mario: Hahaha, uhhh okay. But I really think Sind likes mario, Because he randomly said "Why are you not on vent...?" And mario, got on! And he was like "Sind was being mad cool to me" And I felt like saying to him "duh your voice is so fucking hot, any gay guy would fall for you in a second" Fuck. Oh and yeah- So the reason he didn't call me earlier was because he was talking to Sind, and I was like "I never thought I'd be stood up for Sind..." And he goes "You're being emo" fuck, no shit I am- you stood me up for a gay guy! Hit the ground

[07 Mar 2007|08:05am] [ mood | eeeeh ] My journal updates are so silly if you read more than one at a time, but luckily I'm decently sure that no one does that. I go from extremely happy to extremely sad, or vice versa. Luckily, I spoke with Mario- he was really mean to me over nexus, lol nexus, but as soon as we got on ventrilo he was so sad and so sorry for me. He was like "I didn't mean to make you sad" And he knows he fucked up too, I seriously couldn't form words that didn't consist of "okay" or "uhh." Then he said "I really missed talking to you" Well why did you ignore me for so long when I was trying to make things better? "And I really hope you still want to talk to me" Well duh I do, but I can't form words anymore because I feel so awkward around you now. ... But I told him I wanted to still talk to him, I really do like his voice. And the way he speaks, and that New york accent... ughfghjdkfgs. So I'm content. Hit the ground

[01 Mar 2007|08:20am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Mercedes' Singing ] Well. Awesome. Somehow Mario is mad at me. Basically I told him what I want to do as a career and I don't think he really approved. I told him I wanted to take up debating of some form. And sadly I opened my large mouth and said I wanted to lobby for tobacco companies because it would be a challenge and it would be something that I would think of as fun. And I should have remembered that like, three of the people in his family are suffering from cigarettes. His brother has to go to the hospital every week, his mom has cancer - with less than three years left to live, and his grandmother died. So he basically told me to fuck off. That I'm disgusting and that I have absolutelty no compassion. Awesome. And that he doesn't want to talk to me. And I totally know I could have sweet talked him over vent if he had said that to me over ventrillo. But he's been sick for a long time so he hasn't been able to use vent. And typing opposed to vent is... well- easier to tell someone off. Which he did. Awesome. So I haven't talked to him for- uh. One day. And I am really sad. I hope he will calm down. I talked to Julia about it and she said he was completely over-reacting and being childish. I think so too though, one day he's practically begging me to say "I love you" then one day he's basically saying "hey get out of my life." Julie said he was basically just floored, shocked, and didn't know how to react. So I hope that later he will be like "sorry :(" but I have reason to believe that he won't say that. Only because that's just like him- he holds grudges so tightly and for so long. He could go on forever for not talking to me and be completely fine with the whole idea. Plus he said "last time I forgave you for saying that you smoked weed" (wow he forgave me, that kind of made me mad...) "But this time I just don't think I'll be that grown up to forgive you" So I feel like I should be taking that as a goodbye, fuck you, you're out of my life now. Uuuhhh. Cool. Hit the ground

[23 Feb 2007|07:57am] [ mood | annoyed ] I got Taking Back Sunday, Underoath, and Armor for Sleep tickets. I'm going with Mercedes, but Ryan and Nick are going too. It's in Las vegas- and we're all going to the 2pm show. I'm psyched. Oh yeah I got my hair dyed. I really like it. It's blonde and dark dark brown, looks almost black. I haven't spoke to Mario in awhile and I'm sad. And I have to work today. D: Aaaah! Hit the ground

[21 Feb 2007|08:03am] [ mood | tired ] I love staying up until 2am in the morning. Okay only for a good cause, by good cause I mean Mario. "do you think we're nuts for doing this" he asked, since we stay up so late talking- but sometimes we fall asleep on the phone. How cute. Hit the ground

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